So... you want to try out international online dating? Well, if you read my previous post Why The Philippines? And Why Now?, you know that the entire impetus behind this first trip to the Philippines, and ultimately this website, was my finding an awesome lady through the online dating website Blossoms.com.
Sure, there are lots of international dating websites these days, but I personally chose Blossoms.com for a few simple reasons: They have been in the overseas dating business since 1974 - long before the internet, their website wasn't loaded up with a bunch of fake profiles [like so many of the dating websites these days - you can create a free profile to see for yourself - Click Here], and they didn't claim to have millions of members [another sign that they are legit, and not loaded with fake profiles].
Since this post is just a primer into international online dating for guys like me, I am going to keep this pretty quick and to the point.
Start with a 3 or 6 month membership
If you haven't found the woman you are looking for after 3 to 6 months, you can always extend your membership, and the reality is that you will probably take your chat with the woman/women you find off the site in fairly short order. It's a lot easier to communicate using Facebook Messenger, Skype, WhatsApp, and other chat/phone apps, than it is to keep logging back in to the dating site to exchange messages. And, if you put in a little time and attention to this endeavor, you can easily find one or more great women that you want to continue the conversation with after your 3 or 6 month membership runs out.
Be honest and real when writing your profile
Just because these women are overseas doesn't mean they can't see right through your bullsh*t. Just like you wouldn't want a woman to BS you, don't go into this game BS-ing them. Just be yourself, as that's the best way to start a relationship no matter who or where the woman is.
Post recent pictures
Don't be one of these guys that is digging up 10 year old pictures so you look younger, or better in your pics. Just like being honest in your profile write up, be honest here. You wouldn't want to fly half-way across the planet to finally meet the woman of your dreams, only to find out she doesn't look anything like her pictures, so don't pull that kind of crap with them. And, don't make your pics all about your stuff, your car, etc.. Post pics that show you for who you are and what you enjoy doing.
Treat the women you contact and chat with with respect
There are tons of guys out there that are complete dirtbags when they get online with these women. They think that just because these women want to find a western man, that they can behave like complete animals. One of the best compliments I got from virtually every woman I chatted with was "thank you for not sending me dick pics, or asking for sex chat, or asking for nude pictures." The first couple times I heard this, I was blown away that this kind of behavior was so prevalent, that the women actually thanked me for not behaving like a dirtbag. But, that is the reality. You can completely set yourself apart from all the dirtbags by simply behaving like a gentleman.
Take your time, ask honest questions, and actually pay attention to their answers
International online dating is not like driving across town meeting up with someone you found on a domestic dating website. Meeting these women in person means there is some crazy long international travel involved. Sure, you can do video chats via Skype, WhatsApp, or FB Messenger, but to actually see these women face-to-face, you will have to haul your ass half way around the planet... So, slow down and take your time. Make sure that the woman you are chatting with is truly someone you are ready to fly across the ocean to go see. And, this means asking good, honest questions about who she is, what she believes, what are her values, and what are her dreams for the future.
Yes, there are plenty of scammers out there
One thing you will notice when you first post your profile, is that you will get swamped with women sending you smiles, and very quick emails. And, you can almost count on the fact there are some that are looking for a payday. These are the women that want to tie up all of your time immediately, get you to form an initial bond with them, almost immediately start calling you by all kinds of pet-names [honey, baby, sweetie, etc.], and then very quickly they are going to hit you with a request to send them money because of one fabricated problem or another. In this case, the best thing you can do is simply tell them no, block them, report them, and then move on. Sure, this may sound kind of harsh, but once you get started with international online dating, you will find this out for yourself.
If a woman only sends you a smile, or a stupid short email, which takes no effort, is she really worth putting any effort into? The women with some value will actually have something to say when they send you an email.
The young ones
Oh, the young ones. Here is another area where you have to tread carefully. What forty-something year old guy doesn't enjoy the fantasy of having some hot, super young girlfriend or wife? But wait, as exciting as this sounds, are you really ready to have a girlfriend/wife that is young enough to be your daughter? Have you fully considered all the ramifications of having a spouse that is 20+ years younger than you? Although this arrangement may sound super hot at first, you have to be honest with yourself about the reality of it. Do you really think that hot little 20 year old is still going to want you 20 years from now? Sure, it sounds great when you're forty-something, and she is in her early twenties, but what about when you are in your late sixties and she is in her early forties? You'll be old, and she will be getting nailed by the pool boy.
Believe me, there are going to be a bunch of these hot, young things telling you that "age doesn't matter" that "age is only a number," but you have to be honest with yourself. How much are you really going to have in common? How long do you actually expect this to last? Are you just doing this to be a sex tourist, or are you truly looking for a long-term, life-long relationship? If you're just in this to be a sex tourist, just do a little online searching and you will see that you don't need to go through all the trouble of an international dating website to go overseas to get laid.
Anyway, I ran this scenario by a friend of mine whose feedback I trust, and he gave me this piece of advice on how much younger of a woman is generally acceptable... Half your age plus 7 years. So, for me, when this adventure started, I was looking at a MINIMUM age of 31 [48 divided by 2, plus seven], and even 31 was on the young side of reality for me. And, when it came down to it, the woman I found is only 11 years younger than me, and that seems to be a pretty good fit.
One thing that separates the scammers from the real women is time. And this goes for the players as well. And, when I say players, I am talking about the women that will keep chatting with you, but are constantly searching to see if they can trade up via the new guys that join the site. These women will chat you up, then get distant when they are chatting up someone else, then chat you up again when that one doesn't pan out. These are the same kind of women that are probably looking for a green card and will drop you like it's hot as soon as they have residency. You are just a quick meal ticket to what they see as a better life. Only problem, is that you are only a stepping stone to the actual real life they want...
Just like dating domestically, you have to be careful, take your time, and use discernment. Just like here, there are going to be scammers, young distractions, and those that just want to play you. But, if you keep your eyes wide open, take your time, and are straight-forward and honest from the beginning, your chances of finding a great woman are pretty darn good. Just be yourself, be a gentleman, be honest, and you will find a quality woman.